Work again....

Start working again. Rest only two day after the shoe promoter job. This time I went to KLCC. I thought I have promise myself not to go into that brand anymore in my life. It give me so littel pay when I was a part-timer last year. Even thought I was very hard working, my pay didn't get raise as I thought it will. Start working at a unknown places is quite scary, everything I have to deal with it alone. Even when I'm in trouble, they will be no one be on myside. Eventhough I scare and unlike this kind of situation, working is still work. Unlike my other friend, they all work around sg wang, so every body is they. Wondering why am I so brave, dare to go to places which is so far and very inconvenien to start a new job. Working is not bad, didn't actually get bully by anyone. The only problem is stressing only, Wai Mun have advise me not to work there, but I insist to challenge my ability. I should have listen to her. The most difficult assinment I have is check stock and complite the report. Afterall, stress is stressing, job is job, thats always a task I need to complite.
That day, Nick ask me something that make me thing alot, he said, I don't think like people in my age. As he said he thought I wish to be like this, thinking is a torturing activity. People will ask like this for sure don't know me very well. People who really know me will know that I'm quite a no brain person, not like I don't have one. Is just I seldome use it, when I infront with the people who are really close with me. I will act as what I really am. My friend have said once that I agree the most, she said, all of us is force to put on a mask to avoid exposing ourself too much. It might get hurt in the reallity if you let the people know the true you. I been thinking alot since she tell me this, And the result is I agree with that. Without a knowlege, people now have lot of faces, diffrent faces when you be with diffrent people. Sometime myself cannot really identifie which one is the true me. But atleast, I didn't lie. I just hide certain feeling when I'm facing with certain people.
People usually like sunny people, Found out abot this when I'm first get into secondary school. Been trying my best to hide the unhappy feeling from friend, atleast from not so close friend. For them, this kind of feeling is annoying and troublesome. This fact is being prove when I be with kent, I'm not the kind of people will not do alot of thinking or like to be positive thinking. safety and confident is what I need the most, when I lack of it, I will start thinking a lot of nonsen. Been trying very hard to change this kind of bad attitude. Get scold by many people, but, me is still me. Like what I used to say, something is never change no matter what happend.
confusing and tiring. Wondering what will I do next..

Working...

Working is quite tired, and lot of things happend during I'm work. Got something new, sad or happy thing happend. Everything is diffrent when I am a secondary student. Now I have more thing to plan and more thing to decide. Future is now on my hand.
First of all, I will like to appologise to those people who have ask me where I work, I'm not telling you guys is because that is only a temporary job and I may not have time to chat with you when you are here, So the best thing I can do is kept it as a secret lo. Anyway I feel happy that people did come here to see me my steve koko and that guy. Things around me have change, but not me. Everything seems like still the same on me, I'm still that very emotional person, one minute very happy and the second minute can get very down and sad.
This work is tiring, but sometime is quite happy too. Working with other 7-8 people, I have make a lot of new friend. I doubt about my decision to work by myself on the first day I work, but actually it is not that difficult. Eventhought I'm still is the person who are not-many-people wnat to chat with de. Not sure whats worng with me, maybe I'm a damn too boring person, K thought like that when I'm free.
During the work have some funny and sad moment, I thing I will post that at the next post. This job will end at sunday, then I may go to other place to work as a full time promoter. It is a really difficult decision to make. Plus, I have to think about my education too. I wonder did I make a right decision when I decided to work for one year before I continue my study.
I want to move out. Since I'm a kid I cannot stand people fighting or quarel. Lately they both fight alot, even it is not all because of me, But I guess I have some responsible on this, Suddently jump into thier life.
Love is difficult, I saw people around me I know it. I have swear to myself once, I'm not going to fall in love again, But I can't kept it. Seeing my self growing in times, from a kid that like playing like random sex to more mature teenager. Now I think back, I feel quite sorry for my 1 and 2 ex, that was the young time when I can have a relationship with someone and have sex with other. I start getting bored of it when I grow older, one of the reason I because I'm no longer curious, second is very discusting to have sex with someone you dun like.
I used to worry how long will my relationship last, and belive on what forever love. The reality change me, even I can't help my self to think on the bad things and so on, I can make myself to enjoy every moment as it is the last second you will still together. By this way people will take it more serious, time is not a factor. Even I don't like that...
P/S: sorry for this a bit messy blog, to much to come out and donno wha to start first...

Is over...

Finaly, the exam is over. I don't have to go to school any more. Feel a bit sad yesterday, eventhought i'm not very close with me class mate, but after being study together for 2 whole year, have get used with it already. suddently everyone have to say good bye withot knowing when will we see each other again. Is not a good feeling.
Secondary life is officialy ed already, there is no more road are ready set for me, I have to find my own way in the future, I have to decide where I'm study and what do I study, life will not be that easy anymore.
Today blog might be a bit complex and lot of thing mix up together.
I have open another blogspot, is use to pulish in chinese de. I will not open the address for all, whoever want to view can ask me, but give or not give is no promise.
Seaching for job is tiring, I try to get one before exam is over, But then I walk untill night also didn't get one. But fortunetly I have get a job now, as a shoe promoter. for now it is stilla short term work, if I'm lucky it can turn to long term work.
When I was kid I don't know what is sense of safety that women ad movie keep talking about, maybe that time i haven't in love, so I don't know. It might be something you only learn when you reach certain level on life. Afterall, we knew that something is can never be thought by other people de. Just like love, I thought I really know what is love all about but actually I only really understand it lately. Someone I thought me with a painfull prize. now that i realize how can I leave my 1st and 2nd ex s easy, without a notice a droping a tears. Because that time I'm still don't understand what is love. Even they have try hard to teach me or letting me know, I still didn't get it at that time.
I been through this before, and I know it. There is few people are in your destiny, to teach you a lesson or about love. It is sad when we are not the person who able to let the people we love the meaning of love. And I always know that they are few type of erson we cannt touch or else we will get hurt, not by them, is by our ownself instead.
One is virgin, it is not because I don't like a virgin lover. It is beacause I know that men is a
sex-first animal. Virgin cannot possibility to stick with you forever, no matter how hard you try. Because there is a life out there he have never really have fun and playing around before. Men need to be really tired of playing before they can really calm down and start thinking about love and looking for a lover to be stick together forever.
Second is people who like to be free, don't like to be tie up. This is a danger type of person, try not ever to fall in love withthem unless you thrust yourself can change them, if not, you will only get hurt. This kind of person don't like commitment, and responsible. For them, sex is play and fun only, they will change in one day, see who is lucky enough to be there when he do change.
Freedom is depents on the your lover when you are in a relationship, if you are a good lover. You have to care about the feeling of the lover sometime when you get too free, you might hurt someone else. I don't think and don't have faith that I can change someone, I don't think I will going to try it, but this thing is always depends on feeling.
Third, people who donno love. I used to be one, and hust some people because of this. so now I will not going to try this on myself. Love is something cannot be though, it is no sad if you in love with someone that don't really understand what is love. you cannot blame him for that, what you can do is blaming yourself. For cannot let him understand this and loving him.
Love is a complicated knowlegd and game, someone good and lucky at it, someone just always bad luck. No matter what people all keep trying without thinking of quit. Or they can't.
Just like me, after the kent incident, i have promise myself not to really get in love with someone, atleast not that deep. But, I cannot kept this promise beacause I fail on control my own feeling.
Not romantic people is also a danger people, you will get bore untill die if you attach with them. Everything is too ordinary. I sure will not date this kind of person, cause I like suprise and change. I'm a too ordinary person, never dare to try new thing, change is something only my love one can bring to me. If he manage to.
Not sensible people are the worst person to date with, they wouldn't even notice what have they did to make people angry, some how, I have date one before. My mistake that time. Take care of the love one is the lover respondsible, you have to really show your concern to make people feel the joy of being care. Not saying and doing it beacause you have to, it mean you didn't actually love the person that much.
In plu, people will mostly automaticly turn into 2 group, one is more being take care of and another is more taking care of people. I always want to be in the first one, but somehow fizikal status wouldn't allow me. people in first group usually are skinny, white, sick all the time ad cute.
I fit none of this requirement.
Is it because I realize about this or what, I all along will eat only bread or fast food when i have to it alone, but after the big incident, I have get used with the not eating feeling. Even hungry wouldn't make myself going to eat, no matter how hungry it is. eating have become a activity I will do when they are people who want to eat around me. I have to change this bad habit, remembering I have start this habit when there is no people who get angry or scold me when i'm skip my meal. I miss that time and feeling even I quite don't like the person who gave me this habit. Is hard to say when will I find a person who will naturaly do this again, before that, I guess I have to get rid of that feeling. If not bad gastric wouldn't be far from me.
ThAts all i guess, I have been writing too much, time to write some in chinese..