Is over...

Finaly, the exam is over. I don't have to go to school any more. Feel a bit sad yesterday, eventhought i'm not very close with me class mate, but after being study together for 2 whole year, have get used with it already. suddently everyone have to say good bye withot knowing when will we see each other again. Is not a good feeling.
Secondary life is officialy ed already, there is no more road are ready set for me, I have to find my own way in the future, I have to decide where I'm study and what do I study, life will not be that easy anymore.
Today blog might be a bit complex and lot of thing mix up together.
I have open another blogspot, is use to pulish in chinese de. I will not open the address for all, whoever want to view can ask me, but give or not give is no promise.
Seaching for job is tiring, I try to get one before exam is over, But then I walk untill night also didn't get one. But fortunetly I have get a job now, as a shoe promoter. for now it is stilla short term work, if I'm lucky it can turn to long term work.
When I was kid I don't know what is sense of safety that women ad movie keep talking about, maybe that time i haven't in love, so I don't know. It might be something you only learn when you reach certain level on life. Afterall, we knew that something is can never be thought by other people de. Just like love, I thought I really know what is love all about but actually I only really understand it lately. Someone I thought me with a painfull prize. now that i realize how can I leave my 1st and 2nd ex s easy, without a notice a droping a tears. Because that time I'm still don't understand what is love. Even they have try hard to teach me or letting me know, I still didn't get it at that time.
I been through this before, and I know it. There is few people are in your destiny, to teach you a lesson or about love. It is sad when we are not the person who able to let the people we love the meaning of love. And I always know that they are few type of erson we cannt touch or else we will get hurt, not by them, is by our ownself instead.
One is virgin, it is not because I don't like a virgin lover. It is beacause I know that men is a
sex-first animal. Virgin cannot possibility to stick with you forever, no matter how hard you try. Because there is a life out there he have never really have fun and playing around before. Men need to be really tired of playing before they can really calm down and start thinking about love and looking for a lover to be stick together forever.
Second is people who like to be free, don't like to be tie up. This is a danger type of person, try not ever to fall in love withthem unless you thrust yourself can change them, if not, you will only get hurt. This kind of person don't like commitment, and responsible. For them, sex is play and fun only, they will change in one day, see who is lucky enough to be there when he do change.
Freedom is depents on the your lover when you are in a relationship, if you are a good lover. You have to care about the feeling of the lover sometime when you get too free, you might hurt someone else. I don't think and don't have faith that I can change someone, I don't think I will going to try it, but this thing is always depends on feeling.
Third, people who donno love. I used to be one, and hust some people because of this. so now I will not going to try this on myself. Love is something cannot be though, it is no sad if you in love with someone that don't really understand what is love. you cannot blame him for that, what you can do is blaming yourself. For cannot let him understand this and loving him.
Love is a complicated knowlegd and game, someone good and lucky at it, someone just always bad luck. No matter what people all keep trying without thinking of quit. Or they can't.
Just like me, after the kent incident, i have promise myself not to really get in love with someone, atleast not that deep. But, I cannot kept this promise beacause I fail on control my own feeling.
Not romantic people is also a danger people, you will get bore untill die if you attach with them. Everything is too ordinary. I sure will not date this kind of person, cause I like suprise and change. I'm a too ordinary person, never dare to try new thing, change is something only my love one can bring to me. If he manage to.
Not sensible people are the worst person to date with, they wouldn't even notice what have they did to make people angry, some how, I have date one before. My mistake that time. Take care of the love one is the lover respondsible, you have to really show your concern to make people feel the joy of being care. Not saying and doing it beacause you have to, it mean you didn't actually love the person that much.
In plu, people will mostly automaticly turn into 2 group, one is more being take care of and another is more taking care of people. I always want to be in the first one, but somehow fizikal status wouldn't allow me. people in first group usually are skinny, white, sick all the time ad cute.
I fit none of this requirement.
Is it because I realize about this or what, I all along will eat only bread or fast food when i have to it alone, but after the big incident, I have get used with the not eating feeling. Even hungry wouldn't make myself going to eat, no matter how hungry it is. eating have become a activity I will do when they are people who want to eat around me. I have to change this bad habit, remembering I have start this habit when there is no people who get angry or scold me when i'm skip my meal. I miss that time and feeling even I quite don't like the person who gave me this habit. Is hard to say when will I find a person who will naturaly do this again, before that, I guess I have to get rid of that feeling. If not bad gastric wouldn't be far from me.
ThAts all i guess, I have been writing too much, time to write some in chinese..