Feel lonely....

Today school timetable is boring. Once again i think alot of rubbish things. Wondering why my bf is still with me, compare with eric, i'm really nothing. They look so nice when both of them being together. Am i the one who are not suppose to appear? Been in this relationship is difficult for me in the first time. But now, I already used with it. This really not my first time, and sure he is not my first love. but be with him i feel so helpless. Getting lonely and missing him all the time. This kind of thing never happend when i with other people. He say he manage to control himself not to miss someone so much. I wonder how did he manage to do this. Even if i just be beside him, i will feel saver, and happier. This is kind of feeling that his the only one can give me. Wondeering will i have to leave him someday, cause i still cannot imagine a day without him in my life. People tell me this is bad, I should not be to depentent to somebody, even is the one i love, have to prepare myself to be indepentend. So that i still can move on without anyone in my life. Maybe the peole who are saying have not feel the feeling to be protected. Or to be care. Maybe is because he give a lot of attention to me when we just started, thats why i willing to forgive him no matter what he did. He is a weird person, really don't like people to cheat on him, but he did it himself. Shall I blame him for this? I don't think so, right this moment, i only want him to be happy. Aand he seems really happy when he be with eric. Maybe himself did not realize, he is not hapy before eric appear. I don't have to compare he love me or eric better. Cause i know, he will be happier if he be with him. Maybe this is the main reason i donno why are him still be with me. But i do believe his still love me. I still got a importaant place deep inside his heart. I tell myself.........