Exam is coming.. And I really did work hard on the revision now. The only problem is that, in all the time, I do what I need to do, not what I want to do. I been thinking about this a long time ago. When someone who started to ask me, what do I into. What I like to do to spend my free time. I can't really give them a answer. Casue myself not even know what I ebjoy the most. I still can barely remember the year I started to hang out with plu peopel. I was form 2 at that time. And because I'm still new in this having sex and meeting people thing, so.. I sort of doing it over and over again. With whoever are interested to have fun. I thought I like to behave like that. I thought I enjoy that moment. but actually I don't. I feel the can't help emptyness inside my heart after I done(having sex) with someone. It is quite dirty actually. And I been like that to spend my time for almost two year. After that I have quit doing that, I quit is not because I realize that I shouldn't been doing all that nonsen. Is that, I have another busy kind of way to help me spend my time. And I get to know a group of normal friend in my school at that time. And this is very helpfull. Without them to go out or spend time with me, I really donno what kind of monster will I become. And for sure, my secondary school life will have nothing beside sex to be remember. They are now my god sister.
Friend is one of the most important element in our life, and because of my weird and maybe unfriend and quite personaly. Friend is the most difficult person for me to get. And I'm glad I have some now, some sincere one. Is a very good feeling, when they is someone to sms you to tell you that school is having a holiday tomorrow, when thats free time, someone will invite you to go to do things you like, when they is about to exam, someone they to give you tips and notes. I never felt more happy then now in my five year of secondary school life. Although it is short, but it is memorable.
I'm the only child in the house, I never thought i will have brother to care and concern about me, and this year, i have two. One is call zeron, who chat with me all the time, and another is my older koko, steve, who really really concern about me alot.
Future is somethind I could never imagine, everyone around me is busy on apply for scholarship and college. And this had make me panic. I'm not sure what I'm going to with my future. After the SPM examination. there will me nothing else I need to do. And I still haven't figure out what I want.............
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